Monday, May 30, 2011

Leroy

The following is a short story I've written recently that has been rejected by a literay magazine.  Of course, all of my stories I've submitted have been rejected so far so copyrighters have been warned.  The following story is not worth your time.  Anyway, the piece is about my cat and my childhood with the cat so it would just be silly for someone to steal it.
This story is precious to me and up close looks like a boring story written by a loser with no life who is absolutely obsessed with her freaking cat.  But almost ALL short stories are nightmarishly boring (not using that as an excuse) so read with an open mind, internet browser, and enjoy this adorable picture of my childhood pet.

Leroy
            The life of a cat is insignificant when you compare it to that of a person’s.  Not only is a cat’s life fleeting, but it is mostly void of the adventure and depth that usually makes up a person’s life.  With that in mind, it is still not surprising in the least how strongly a person can love such a placid creature.  A bond between a simple cat and a complicated person is so keen and profound that it lives on years after the cat is gone.  In fact, the memories can live forever and often do.
            Leroy was such a cat.  A simple, proud, finicky thing who found over-attention annoying and under-attention intolerable.  Leroy was a cat who never found fault in any person but still made everyone earn his attention.   Ultimately everyone who ever came across him loved him.
            I was his girl, the one who rescued him.  At age seven, I was given permission by my parents to go to trailer number 87 and ask for one of the free kittens.  After I knocked on the door, quivering from excitement, I was greeted by a pug-faced man in a sweat-stained tank top.  He gruffly asked if I wanted the “gray one” or the “black one.”  I, a budding writer, had an obsession with witches and the supernatural so I quickly chose the “black one.”
            The first time I held him he purred.  Most kittens are afraid to leave their warm mothers and mew endlessly in the unfamiliar arms of their new owners.  Leroy didn’t utter a peep.  He knew he was exactly where he was supposed to be.
            For the first few weeks I doubted whether I had received a black cat or not.  He was so sickly and feeble that his fur had only grown in ash-colored patches.  Leroy’s vet doubted how long he would actually live.  The poor cat had gotten a pretty rough start.
            All was well eventually, once Leroy was nurtured back to health by the caring hands of his new family.  Sooner than anyone thought, he was chewing on all the plants in the house, sharpening his claws on the sofa, tormenting the dog, and chasing after all that dangled tauntingly from my clothes.
            He was a typical kitten who eventually grew thick black fur with two white patches.  The bond between us became that of playmates.  I would grab a shoelace and climb up top my bunk bed and fish for Leroy.  Once he grew weary of chasing it around on the floor, he would leap onto my bunk and bury himself in my stuffed animal pile, blending in expertly.
            When school let out the house was always filled with my laughter.  He loved to play with me, and especially loved to bat at my long braids or my ponytail.  He even tolerated me dressing him up in doll’s clothes.  I would make him lay in a helpless heap for tea parties dressed in Baby All Gone’s nightgown.  Lucky for Leroy, I grew out of those phases early.
            Every night I headed off to my bedroom and Leroy would race in front of me to beat me there.  Leroy always waited patiently at the foot of the bed for me until I got settled under my blankets.  Once I had been still long enough, Leroy would walk up my body, already purring, and allow me to pet him.  I would have to scratch his ears, under his chin, both cheeks, and finally scratch his back until he could no longer handle it and fall over.  Purring like a motorcar, Leroy would find a comfortable spot in front of my face and let me fall asleep petting him.
            Whenever I spent time in my room, Leroy had to be with me.  I could never shut my bedroom door without him scratching the bottom and begging to be let in.  Our favorite pastime was The Closet.  A very tall ceiling had given some carpenter an idea long ago to build cabinets above a sliding-door closet.  The cabinets, too high up to be convenient for much, were mostly useless except for the visits Leroy paid them.  Hardly three days could go by without Leroy prancing around and crying to be hoisted up into The Closet.  He nipped and rubbed his head against me until I finally gave in to his demands.  Once inside the dark, mysterious cabinets, he would explore like a panther prowling the deep jungles.  He made sure he was truly the king of all things and stood proudly on the very edge, facing the room he shared with me, and roared like a mighty lion.
            As all people do in our ever-changing lives, I grew older and was soon interested in boys and cliques and fads.  Some days I would come home and barely have time to give Leroy a kiss on the head before running back out again.  Some days I would go directly to my room and cry for hours.  Leroy would always find me there.  He would sit close to me, or fight his way onto my lap.  His luminous green eyes would shine up at me with understanding and sympathy.  It’s okay, he always seemed to say.  I love you.  No matter how bad it was Leroy could make it better.
            I was college-age now.  I spent my summer after high school at the computer with Leroy in my lap.  Leroy sensed my stress and fears and refused to leave my side.  He knew something was happening to me, and he didn’t like it.
            One day, I left with a couple of suitcases and never returned.  He waited, knowing that sometimes the people in his family would go away, but they always came back.  For weeks he acted the exact same way as usual, refusing to believe anything was different.  He got his scratching sessions from my parents while waiting for me.  When the weeks turned in to months, Leroy lost his faith.  He would go to my room and sit on his spot on my bed.  When he could no longer take the wait, he would cry for me until hoarse.  My parents did their very best to console him and keep him happy, but there was an emptiness where I used to be.  I know it sounds silly because to everyone else he was just a cat, but I regret leaving him.
            Then, after a very long time, I came home.  I looked different, smelled a little different, too, but he knew I was definitely his girl.  I went to hold him.  Leroy, being a proud lion at heart, acted as mad at me as possible for the first few minutes.  After a good scratching session he was butter.
            Still, the separation had changed things between us.  I never slept in my old bed again.  Leroy would watch me leave after every visit, then go sit on his spot on my bed and pretend I was there with him.  He would curl up, purr for a little while, and drift off.
            Time went by, we both grew older, and the separation between us remained the same.  There were blessed moments when I would walk into my old room and wait for Leroy’s old bones to trot in after me.  Once I was sure he had been purring long enough, I would hoist him up and let him spend time in The Closet.  His old voice would crackle when he did his lion-roar, but the joy in it always made me smile.  The only compromise was when I would snatch him up and set him down gently instead of letting him leap from the top shelf.  I would kiss his head and tell him he was just too old to take such a fall.  Leroy was nothing if not regal, and would not let my extra help damage his dignity.
            Old bones, we started to say around him more and more.  Leroy slept more than anything else.  He ate less and got smaller.  His fur began to lose its luster.  He walked slowly and always started with stiff legs.  He stayed like this for a while, unable to let himself become too elderly.  The mighty Leroy Lion-Heart would never be called weak or tired.  I stopped by a little more often and paid just a little more attention to him, knowing what was next.  He was the first one to be greeted when I arrived, and the last to be kissed and hugged when I left.
            One day, when no one else was home, I came for a long visit.  We curled up on my old bed together and Leroy found his favorite spot.  I scratched him behind his ears, under his chin, both of his cheeks, and finally his back.  Once he was purring like an old car, I kissed his head, told him how much I loved him, and began to cry.  Leroy looked up at me with his luminous green eyes and gave me his best attempt at a lion-like roar.  Through my tears I smiled at him.  I told him I knew he loved me and that I would be alright after a while.  I gave him a final kiss on the head, a final hug, and left.  Leroy purred, content, on his favorite spot on their bed, and drifted off.
            I cried for days when my dad called and told me he found Leroy there.  His grave is marked with roses, because he loved to chew on them the most.  The little spot is blocked off to keep the dog away.  A few feet under the ground, wrapped in his favorite blanket with his favorite old toy, my childhood friend rests peacefully, just the way he died.
            It may be unusual to love something so simple so much, but I don’t care.  His fleeting life meant more to me than most people I’ve met.  That may be wrong in the opinion of some, but those who knew Leroy would understand.  I keep all of our memories alive in my heart and I find comfort in them.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Just in Case

So the great thing is, I've written and sumbitted a fairly good sized chunk of short stories and none of them have been accepted into any magazine!  The sarcasm is pretty heavy here.  Also, with no one reading my blog I have come to a point where I'm throwing away my overly positive bubblegum attitude.  I've decided to be myself, no matter how many people I offend or piss off.  Sigh, I was hoping it wouldn't come to this.  Who am I kidding, I'm a no-manners chick from podunk nowhere who has a strange obsession with writing.
I've finished my second novel and have also completed round 1 on editing.  Trust me, I polish and edit about a billion and a half times and I'm still sure it's not good enough.  I do not polish my blogs, though, because I can barely find time to write my stories let alone play around on the internet.  Not that it matters, no one reads this.
I follow an amazing writer on twitter who convinced me that keeping up with a blog is very good for your career.  If an agent is curious about you, they'll check out your blog and read it.  That's probably horseshit.  From my recent experience with literary agents, they are all incredibly nice and formal when they write out impersonal rejection letters but they are way too busy to read much more than their daily quieries.  So this blog has now become my "just in case" page.
Just in case I'm wrong and there is an agent out there somewhere who is curious about the writer they have just been queried by.
If you are that agent, hello.  I'm Jenni.  I write because I love to and yes, I want to make money off of it because nothing else makes me happy.  I also have a short Irish temper that is often tested.  So far I have two novels written and another one on its way.  I'm in school now so working on my stories is slow going, but by the time you read this I can guarantee I've graduated.
I went to college in L.A. about five years ago and dropped out because, honestly, I missed my boyfriend and couldn't stand being away.  Plus, my two best friends decided to move to the other side of the country anyway and they sort of abandoned me.  On a side note, I tried reconnecting with them recently and they totally blew me off.  First one invites me to come visit, then they both take over a week (A WEEK) to respond to my messages!  Hello, you're not a literary agent or literary magazine, people.  Only they have the ability to make me wait patiently for a response longer than a freaking day.
Back to what I was saying, I was a college drop out.  Then I had to work my way through community college (which is super great on the ego, by the way) at shitty old Walmart.  At this very moment I now work in a nursing home.  So instead of getting shit on by customers metaphorically, I'm literally get shit on.  And puked, pissed, and vomited on.  I have a year and a half until I graduate.  Then I'll be a Radiographic Technologist.  Thank God, something I can stomach.
What I really want to do, what I've always really wanted to do, was write.  I'm not talking about writing on the side.  No, I freaking read a blog written by a best-selling author who was like "Yeah, I had my priorities all set up for myself.  I wanted to marry a rich guy who would take care of me so I don't have to work, have some kids, raise them, then maybe write a book or two.  Great how my life turned out, right?  Didn't know I'd end up writing, like, as a career!"
Excuse me?  You write because the idea passed your luxury-numbed brain and you went with it?  Now you make the big bucks doing something that I wish with all my heart I could do before I die but I can't yet because no one recognizes my talent.  Life's a bitch.
No.  I'm not like that.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE to write.  I will continue doing so whether I get published or not.  But I refuse to lay back and get regected by people who have not even given me a chance.  My shit's good, I know it.  Anyone who reads my shit knows it.  My short stories probably aren't that great, but honestly, most short stories are boring and forgettable.  The only people who read them are the ones who don't have that much creative imagination and they probably don't have a whole lot going on in their lives.  That's not fair of me to say, and probably not true.  But while working on my short stories, I did my research and read a bunch of published ones.  Of the near-hundred that I read only one stuck with me or made me say, "Wow, that was pretty good."  The others were either WTF stories or boring or shoot me in the face-aweful.  How could they pass an educated and creative eye with approval and not me?
Bleh, it's time for me to go wipe ass for eight hours.  Tomorrow I'm going to probably get on here and post one of my short stories.  I don't have much to worry about with copyright because if anyone tries to steal it they won't really get anywhere with it, right?  I sure as hell haven't.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Experiences In Life vs Ideas Out of Nothingness

Is it our darkest moments that give us inspiration?  Do we only regurgitate what we know?  Or do writers have a special ability to create wonderful new ideas out of nothingness?
I am an infant in the writing world.  I consider myself innocent in this business and even in my personal life.  I claim to have experienced many things in my short time on Earth, but still I can't even imagine some of the feelings that accompany the events that certain writers go through and use like material for their work.  I stumble at the idea of using pain, loss, and tragedy as thread to weave an interesting quilt.  Sure, bright colors are more compelling when compared to darker ones.  Is it necessary to have more experiences in order to create better stories?
My main character, Daisy Gale, in my (hopefully) soon-to-be debut novel, deals with many tribulations that I have never experienced in real life.  However, my own mother called me in distress after reading certain chapters to interrogate me on the truthfulness of some of the events.  "Did that ever happen to you?" she kept asking.  "You can tell me anything, I'm here for you!"
What I'm trying to say is that I believe within all of us is the ability to empathize so deeply that we can stir up emotions we have never actually felt before.  When I was in my first year of college, I studied acting.  One of my teachers swore up and down that the only way to truly be 100% real on camera was to BE the part.  No pretending, actually being.  If you're character is an insomniac, stop sleeping.  If you're character has eating disorders, then you should too.  Of course, I thought that was way ridiculous and if you can't act well enough to be convincing with pretending alone then you aren't really much of an actor.  But I remembered what he said because I feel, in a less extreme way, his theory applies to writing.
Daisy Gale is similar to me in many ways, I make my foundation something that I know.  When it comes to the things that she experiences that I never have (thankfully; I tend to torture my protagonists a little) I just imagine what it would be like.  I close my eyes, or lay awake in my quite bed, and play out the events in my head.  Every attack, every awkward moment, every character on scene, I play out what I would do if I was them.  I factor in their personalities (as I writer, I feel that I didn't create them, they have always been known to me), I think about their setting, I alter things as I go to see where the results will get me.
I believe that is how stories write themselves.  I know what I want to happen, but so much like life, goals and what actually results from events don't always line up.  The story of Daisy Gale began as all my stories do, with notebook pages filled with outlines, ideas, character descriptions, and drawings.  I love to look back on them after the book is finished and see everything I never could put in because the events went in a different direction than I originally planned.
So much like life are the stories I write.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Quiet Place

Still no news on my short story progress or on Daisy Gale.  I wonder which will get noticed first...
With my classes, work, friends, writing, and all the other things I think about on a daily basis, I find myself missing my old spot in Los Angeles.  I lived there for a year for my first two semesters in college.  I went to the American Musical and Dramatic Academy, studying the art of film acting.  Behind the school down Ivar street was the most pleasant little spot in the entire city.  On days that I felt overwhelmed I usually ended up standing at my quiet place.
Leaving the school's gates I would turn East and head to where the street met with Ivar.  That whole block was a Hispanic district and the smells of food and the sounds of laughter and music were my escorts to my spot.  I would walk the uphill road and my shoulder would be brushed by the flowers that draped down the sides of the wall that separated my school from the sidewalk.  It felt freeing to be outside those walls, smelling and hearing things that didn't remind me of school or any of my other troubles.
I would come to a stop at the top of the hill.  The road wound away and back toward my school where it would split up, joining the overpass or headed back into West Hollywood.
Standing ontop of the hill I felt above the city.  A busy interstate highway circulated below me, a large billboard to my left across the road, and the empty overpass down a ways to the right.  The Hispanic district behind me on one side, and my towering school behind me on the other side.  Drapes of purple and pink flowers on both sides.
Once I took off my shoes and let my bare feet stand on the grass next to the road.  California grass doesn't feel like Illinois grass.  It sounds strange, but I never touched the alien stuff again.
I would read the billboard and think about it's messages.  "NEED A BREAK?  DO WHAT YOU LOVE!" was one sign advertising Vegas.  I love many things, but most of all I love writing.
That quiet place ontop of the hill in LA helped me realize my calling.  It wasn't acting, it was writing.  When I feel like I'm slipping on my priorities, or if I'm letting myself get overwhelmed, I often picture my quiet place.  I can hear the sound of the traffic below me.  Occasionally a roar of laughter will sound from one of the houses.  The smell of spices and cooking meats will surround me.  I'll put my own sign on the billboard and let it guide me.
Right now my sign says, "KEEP TRYING!  DO WHAT YOU LOVE!"
And I will.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Short Story Mania

My writing projects are blossoming before me.  I sit amongst a pile of papers upon which themes and short story ideas are scribbled hastily.  I had a brainstorm attack between classes yesterday.  I have been researching literary magazines and thought that maybe I should write more short stories and submit them like crazy, getting my name in print as often as possible.
This is a challenge that I find exciting and very fun.  Writing short stories is nothing like writing novels.  I find that I put in an extreme amount of detail and then have to go back and cut huge chunks in order to get the story between 1,000-500 words.  The closer to 500 words I get the more I believe a lit mag will be inclined to read my work.
There's this other thing, too...
I was printed in my college magazine last spring.  That sentence alone sounds pretty cool.  I would like to state that I go to a community college and the magazine was printed in all black and white on regular printer paper.  I submitted two stories and both were printed in the magazine.  This may sound impressive, but one of my stories was put into the same issue of the magazine twice.  Yeah, I'll bet they just copied and pasted emails onto Word documents, slapped on a header and footer, and stapled it to a glossy cover and called it a magazine.
That damages my confidence a little.  It is pretty funny, and I'll laugh about it when I'm printed in a real literary magazine.
I'm trying so hard to be noticed by an agent.  It is a constant test of will and desire to keep putting myself out there and getting zero response from people.  I feel pretty invisible right now.  Even as I make this blog I have yet to attract any subscribers.  I'm following 60 people on Twitter, who are mostly published writers, publicists, editors, or agents.  I have three followers.  An intellegent writer, C. William Davis III, an old friend from my freshman year of college, and Publishing Talk.  Three followers I am very fortunate to have, but still I feel like a drifting piece of dust in the cyber world of writing.  I feel as though I'm shouting out to a world full of people already making conversations, and I'm not in any of them.
My love for writing is something that can never be discouraged or ignored.  I know that, even if no one in the world reads what I write, I will continue to put my ideas out there proudly.  I love my work, even if I'm the only one.  For now :)

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

February 29th?

Clocking into my clinical at the hospital this morning I noticed that the date stamped on my card said February 29th.  When I laughed and attempted to share this funny fact with a tech she shrugged and walked away.  I suppose she's right.  It's still too much like February to actually be March.

My finished project that I'm attempting to publish (I'll call it Daisy Gale because I'm still terrified of theft of any of my ideas) is still waiting for an agent to notice it, love it, and need it published.  Daisy Gale has been polished a thousand times, devoured by others that I trust dearly, and has been demonstrated via query to a handful of agents.  I know the story is not what failed to marvel them, it was me.  Checking over the latest email query I sent out to an agent I was DYING to impress I noticed that in the very first sentence of my short bio I wrote "commited."  Yeah, I should be committed for missing such an obvious mistake.  This was my first typo on a query ever and it could have blown such an awesome opportunity.
That's okay, there are plenty of other jewels in the mountian, now all I need to do is keep digging.

My newest writing project is a werewolf novel that I'm very excited about.  I'm still processing it, not allowing myself to write yet.  I tend to be too hard on myself when writing and if I have to go back and fix a bunch right away I convince myself that the entire thing is junk and quit.  I've stopped pretty good stories with that method.  So I've got all of my very intriguing characters and I've discovered their many depths and attitudes.  I'm most excited about my antagonist.  She's so incredible because she isn't evil or bad at all.  She doesn't hurt any innocent little creatures or laugh bitterly at people with good intentions.  She is only doing what to her seems right, and it involves killing the dark monsters that are werewolves.  She's the antagonist only because the main characters are werewolves who are just trying to live normal lives.  But is she really mistaken about werewolves?  They might be just as awful as she thinks.

My notebook full of ideas is calling me and I must answer. 
Sending more queries for Daisy Gale tomorrow!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Putting Myself Out There

I've been a writer since the fourth grade when my teacher gave me a pen and a stack of construction paper with one simple assigment:  Create your own story.
I had always loved reading and now I had been told that I, too, can invent a world and put it down on paper.
Now I'm an adult and, several practice books later, I am ready to publish my work.  There are several challenges in my way including how impossible it is to catch an agent's attention when you are Ms. Nobody from Nowhere and you have zero connections.
I LOVE my research tools like "Guide to Literary Agents" edited by Chuck Sambuchino and all of the advice I have found online by authors who have made it and are extending their words of wisdom.  I have been officially rejected twice and have recieved no response by four other agents (which is their silent "no").  I'm not even close to feeling down about it, though.  I am still putting myself out there and writing up storms just like I always have done.  My stories are not just good, they are awesome!  I know I am an excellent writer and that I have written stories that will be loved by many.  Now, only if I can convince an agent...